This world is a migraine attack. I, it is always I, get it now…
I sit in this forest night and day, caught counting falling leaves that wish for me to stay. These mountains no longer whisper me as ravens. I have no fear to fear. Finally, the sorrows have eaten too many meals on my behalf.
I know my futures and I have seen my paths; the choices of somethings and nothings that can never become enough for me. For others all that could be looked upon as “experiences”; all these living nightmares in those dead hearts that need perfume while looking into buying another meagre meal ticket in a deranged world. The unwanted are living the Illusion to trade with the other unwanted and useless. Laugh or cry?
I really had a horrible year. Again. Set-up some scum and made no friends. Again. Travelled to where I didn’t want to travel. Again. Rehearsed a play that never will see the light. Set fire to manuscripts that will never see the light. Read in some of my older poetry. Wrote a little that maybe will see the light. By now you can clearly see that I am this miserable person without any life at all. That is partly right. My life is playing the waiting game. I know my days to come and what will await me. I should feel hate and love and all the other things that make me shine so very brightly, still I do know that the quality of my life is about a million times higher than the average person due to Knowledge, but the downsides my friends, due to those “other people”…
I irritate “other people” sometimes by having no interest and absolutely no respect for whatever they do and whatever they foolishly believe they are. If not with The Gods then you are less than nothing. Should I have hatred or pity for “other people”? I take my pick later on.
Anyway, being “Asatru” in a world where so many are held under siege in the War of all Wars that they are quite clueless about; Life itself and its Realities, is of course a strain to live through. In the future nobody will be able to imagine how life was here at present… I have written several articles on these matters that I never published, apart from one that was up for a short while, and some only spread around and looked at by some people I have, or had, contact with. It is a waiting game. Time that is.