I have no happiness to report. Do you have any?

Sitting around and listening to garbage music in order to block away thoughts and issues so I can focus and function. (In order to block away my neighbours noise…) I guess that junk-music is my forced upon drug of choice again, for a while. Interestingly enough I have been fully aware of junk-culture for two decades now and why it works so well in this currently deranged world. It drugs down problems and takes down the ability to concentrate and leave very little time over to find and grasp reality as it is.

Escapism, as it is most commonly called, be it by reading dumb books, watching TV, or searching on the internet, playing games, talking nonsense or making useless plans, walking around in nightlife, listening to music made by morons… Whatever. It is all the same useless dead nothing inside nothingness.

These people, myself at times faking it to be included in this for observance, are in this world thinking that we cannot face any higher quality in life, or be anywhere near any higher Reality. These people are living in what seem to exist for their identities, not seeing anything other than their “peers” fully occupied with being moronic. What you will consume you will somewhat become, to others gain and amusement… And that is how it is… Well, things can only change if you change into yourself first and finally. The world around us is trapped in a grand Illusion about how “the others” are and what kind of behaviour is accepted. We can get shaped by our “peers” into copying fake and worthless identities.


Creativity… What a joke. To produce crap might be set on top of consuming crap to some. I am in doubt. No, I’m not in doubt. It is a little better to stay a passive consumer than produce junk-culture.

None of the Gods has produced more than what any human or animal can produce, semen passing on to become blood, and what we all can produce sitting in our toilets. Sadly, that is all of us, these “products”. That is the negative aspect to life down in its sad state. Then, on the positive side, we can start to try taking ourselves more seriously and see what the Gods and humanity has achieved so far. There is a tendency among many to take things for granted, but nothing is for free, you’ve heard it before, now see it in all of Life.

I really have had some serious problems in my past that stemmed from causes I was made unaware of, some of it I was a little aware of and readily avoided to confront as long as it was possible to look away from. To never stop and think as I would crash and burn, or so I thought… I felt the pain of reality as soon as I touched it. Not understanding that freedom from pain was in there to find.

A had a lie of a life for over a decade. (I had some forced upon reasons.) We all have our reasons for failing in life and these reasons must come to a point where they can’t work to hide behind. You know, I reached my peak to no good use at all around fifteen years ago and now I have nothing at all to show from that period. Now I’ve made my current life so I can have more free time on my hands, with writing this and other things you really want. Still, I would be much happier personally with living another kind of life without stress… I have always lived for others somehow. (That is one thing that I will have to change, or maybe not in this period of time… At least feeling sorry for others will never again be mistaken by me as any kind of love. That I will live for others for the rest of this life cannot really be changed; if we are speaking about my Knowledge to be spread for the good. Still, personally I do deserve more and better. I’m one of the few that actually does… Believe it or not.

I would much rather give than take. Anyway, there is nothing in this world that I really want. Nothing is good enough out there in our foes Illusion. Nor do I find the beauty I want in people that others are forcing themselves to imagine exist. I do find beauty here and there, but I will never lie to myself in order to survive, I have real things to live for… I am not really depressed either. Tired and low on energy and will at times, that is true.


Well, the mind is very simple and we can try to live on the good moments we’ve had or pick out the less good. Either way, it is not our choice to have personal opinions as Reality is set above us all and what we think does not really matter there, especially if we are to live outside this fact. I want the Knowledge first so that free will can give everyone a life in Reality. And while I’m at it I will add some real gladness to it all. I wish you the best. Most of you…





  1. Happiness… sadness… neither are meant to last for long. That’s why joy and grief are so intense when they hit us from out of the blue. Otherwise, life is meant to be walked between the two. I don’t think people realize that, which is why we seek one or the other so that we can say we feel something. My opinion anyway.

  2. I understand when you talk about living for others. I had wrote a bit about it in Nov and how you lose your Self. Hope you don’t mind the link. Just wanted to share it with you ~https://crisisalive.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/awakening-or-re-awakening/

    • No problem. I had this relationship some months ago where the person lived for me and wanted, no demanded, that I lived for her 24/7. After that experience I had to rethink some of my romantic ideals. I guess anyone gets weird after you have not been able to, or seeing anyone remotely worthy to, touch at all for six years. In her case it was five years… I was forced to leave it without a trace. Well, another mission impossible made possible…

  3. Thanks for writing so honestly. I can definitely relate to a lot of this. I have times where I feel motivated and energetic, only to then crash and wonder where my life has gone. I wish I could have used the creativity I had when I was younger to create something worthwhile, but I kept trying to just get through and waiting for the point when I’d have my life together. Now I have times where I’m scared that that flame has diminished. Wish I had some answers for you, but I know there’s no “words of wisdom” that can stop the thinking.

    “I felt the pain of reality as soon as I touched it.”
    This line sent a chill through me.

    • I have all the answers I possibly, or anyone, could need. I know what is wrong. Others may blame society and people around them for their crap life. They are right of course. Then… At some point we have to rise above it.
      There are serious problems in this world. Junk on top of crap in layers so that few care to look at reality. To create something worthwhile, as you put it, is interesting. For me, all these millions of people taking selfies and whatever useless stuff they do like sit on facebook and have a blog are doing nothing really. That is certain. People that do sports or music or any other entertainment like movies or paint. It is hobbies. Not worth much, if anything.
      Creativity is something I did hold as something that would define myself, that story I was told after the first stuff I did… I did not really see what I did, or do, as something that would and could define me for others eyes. I refuse to be defined as an identity for something I consume or look into. I am what I can be. Not what I am at the moment. I guess this would be hard for some to understand. The qualities I have is who I am.

      The sentence you quoted has a continuation. That I should have embraced reality as freedom is in there. It is a sickness and stupidity to shy away from any reality.

  4. Thanks for following my blog – reciprocated now, not out of courtesy but because this post is intriguingly different from the usual. As we say in French, cela interpelle. (Never been sure how best to translate that).

  5. Sitting in a nice warm room
    Typing on , complaining internet is slow
    Life is ..and will be on go 🙂
    Hey! you..listen did I show
    the world I live in..nowhere to go
    People kill here..slowwww..
    there are cries and woes
    no one got one tenth of what you let go
    Still..if you feel miserable..count up to four
    no…I am not giving you a sermon
    I know..that you know..life is a show
    goes on ..and on…for more and more

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